You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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