and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have tasted many bathrooms
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
