So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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