I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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