Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
As shirtless as possible
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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