I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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