Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
