discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
