Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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