kristin has been a bad kristin
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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