I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
