I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
