Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
