So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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