I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
