was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
