By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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