Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
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So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
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You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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