We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
