Sober January is a disaster.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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