Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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