What did we do last night that was yellow?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
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My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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