I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
