This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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