Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You smell like a Billy Joel song
if only i could text you this smell
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
