he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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