I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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