Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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