we're blogging at a bar
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
