I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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