When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
smell my finger.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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