508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He shit in the fireplace
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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