I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
