Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
