My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize