my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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