dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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