Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
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You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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