You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
