i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
