Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
