omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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