Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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