i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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