You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You've changed since you got that strap on
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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