Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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