What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
