Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
