I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
