So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
