my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
