i may or may not be watching the land before time
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize