I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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