think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Please don't give away my fajitas
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
