Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I touched a dick in church today
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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