He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
