Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
