shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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