I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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