Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
