you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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