An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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