On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
