if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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