This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
