She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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