For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
