I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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