We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
