I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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