I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
