She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
