Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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