I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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